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When an aging loved one is struggling around the house
It’s the perfect holiday get-together. The family is chatting away in the living room next to a roaring fire. The sweet scent of candles and freshly baked treats fills the room with comfort and cheer.
Suddenly, there’s a shout and a loud crash from the kitchen. You get up to investigate, only to find mom has knocked over the spice rack. You quickly help her clean up and get back to the rest of the family.
It isn’t until later when you see her struggling to climb the stairs that you begin to have concerns about her safety.
The holidays are a time of joy and being together, but they’re also a common time to notice changes in an aging loved one’s behavior or ability to complete simple tasks.
When this happens, you have an opportunity to offer your family support so they can maintain their independence.
Let’s look at what you can do if you find yourself in this situation.
What to do when you notice an aging loved one is struggling
Step One: Make a list of things you notice
First, don’t panic! Normal age-related changes don’t necessarily mean your loved one will have to go to a nursing home.
Instead, make a list of things you observe your family member struggling with. Some common things you might notice include:
Dropping things
Tripping or falling
Not taking medications
Out of breath when moving around the house
Messy areas indicating they are having trouble keeping the house tidy
Be specific when creating your list. For example, instead of writing “having trouble getting around the house,” write “struggled to get up the step between the kitchen and living room.”
Now that you have a list of specific occurrences, you have something to reference when you talk to your family member about your concerns.
Step Two: Have a conversation
With your list in hand, it’s time to approach your family member about what you have observed.
Be intentional about where and when you have this conversation. Calm, private places are usually best, as bringing your concerns up in front of the rest of the family may put your loved one on the spot.
Starting the conversation can be tricky, so begin by asking open-ended questions, such as:
How have you been doing lately?
Do you need help with anything around the house?
Are you able to get around the house easily?
If your loved one does not share that they have been struggling, you can mention the things on your list. Say “I noticed yesterday you were dropping things. Does that happen often?”
Make sure you mention that you are asking because you want to preserve their independence, not threaten it.
Ultimately, you should be able to get an idea of the things your loved one needs help with. Now you can work together to come up with solutions that will help preserve their independence.
Step Three: Make sure your loved one’s home is safe
Now you can begin taking specific steps to preserve their independence.
It all begins with making sure they are safe in their own home! Here are some ideas to improve safety for your aging loved one:
Fall Prevention: Address fall risks such as moving rugs and exposed cords. Install grab bars next to toilets and in bathtubs.
Fire Prevention: Make sure the home has plenty of smoke detectors with fresh batteries. Consider switching to an electric stove if the house has a gas one.
Proper Lighting: Replace any burnt out light bulbs, especially on or near stairwells. Place a night light next to the bed so your loved one can see if they wake up at night.
For larger modifications such as grab bars, Just Call Us! The Aging & Disability Resource Center can provide a list of organizations that are able to help.
For more steps to improve the safety of your loved one’s home, check out our Ultimate Guide to Home Safety for Older Adults.
Step Four: Introduce daily living aids
Similarly, consider implementing systems that can help your aging family member preserve their independence.
A pill organizer is a simple, but effective example of a daily living aid. It helps the owner keep track of which days they have taken their medications. Why not find one to give your family member as a gift for the holidays?
A personal medical alert system is another aid that can put yourself and your family at ease when you are apart. These wearable buttons can be pressed by the older adult in case of an emergency such as a fall.
Step Five: Connect your loved one with community resources
As time goes on, your family member may need more help. The sooner you connect them to community resources, the more equipped they will be to get the help they need when they need it.
Aging & In-Home Services (AIHS) is the Area III Agency on Aging for northeast Indiana. When you call us, you will be connected to an Options Counselor who will ask you a series of questions about your needs and offer recommendations and referrals based on those needs.
AIHS also has a Family Caregiver Program that can support you as you help your aging family member stay in place. The Family Caregiver Program offers services such as support groups and respite care, all with the goal of helping to reduce caregiver burnout. Just Call Us for more information!
If you live in or near Allen County, you can also visit the Council on Senior Services website to view their Senior Resource Guide. This book contains a list of organizations that offer services for older adults.
Step Six: Consider home care
If you have the means, another option worth considering is home care. This is a service companies provide in which a paid caregiver is brought into an older adult’s home to provide assistance such as:
Companionship
Transportation
Housekeeping
Memory Care
More
If this is something you are interested in, Just Call Us at AIHS! We can provide referrals to a number of home care companies across northeast Indiana.
Step Seven: Make regular check-ins
Just because the holidays are over doesn’t mean your loved one’s problems will go away.
Continue to check in with them to see how things are going. If you live far away, get in the habit of calling every month. If they have friends or family who live nearby, have them stop in for a visit every once in awhile to see how things are going.
You may need to coordinate additional support as time goes on. By staying in regular communication with your loved one, you can make sure they have the resources they need to stay at home.
The one-stop shop for community resources
Whether it be referral to community resources or meals delivered to your door, AIHS can provide information and assistance that will help you or your loved one age in their own home.
If you or someone you know is in need of assistance, Just Call Us!
