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Recognizing the need for help
If you’re caring for an aging friend or family member, there is no doubt you’ve noticed that supporting them is a full-time job.
When you have work and your own affairs to tend to, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed - especially if you are providing care long-term.
The good news? Caregivers who seek help and take advantage of support services report better health and lower levels of stress.
This guide will walk you through practical steps to make you feel more confident asking for help, so you can continue providing the best care possible without sacrificing your well-being.
Who you can ask for help
Knowing who to ask for help is an important step. Here are some places you can look for caregiver support.
Family and Friends
Your closest connections are often the most willing to lend a hand, especially if they see how caregiving is impacting you.
Ask a family member to help prepare meals once or twice a week. Or see if they can drive your loved one to a doctor’s appointment every once in a while.
If you do not live near any family, give them a call and ask if they are willing to regularly check in with your care recipient via phone to make sure everything is ok.
You can also give your trusted neighbor a key and ask them to check on your loved one every so often.
Community Resources
There is a good chance that a trove of resources is available in your community:
If you attend church or another religious gathering, ask around for help. Create a sign-up sheet and ask if it can be passed around during service.
Many local community centers offer programs for seniors. See if any would be a good fit for your care recipient. If you live in Fort Wayne, you can visit the community center website here.
Social service organizations such as Aging & In-Home Services (AIHS) offer various programs that support caregivers. Just Call Us for assistance!
Home care is a service where you can pay to have aid come to your home and spend time with your care recipient. Just Call Us for a referral!
Now that you have some ideas about who to ask for help, let’s dive into a few tips that can make asking easier.
5 tips to help you feel more confident asking for help
Understand what you need help with
Before you can ask for help, you should know what you need help with. Some of the most common challenges caregivers face include:
Providing transportation to care recipient’s appointments
Planning and preparing meals
Managing the care recipient’s medications
Mental strain of prolonged caregiving
Write down the things you need help with and be specific. This will give you something to reference if you encounter somebody who offers help.
Create a calendar outlining times you need help
Now that you have a list of things you need help with, organize that list into a “care calendar” that you can share electronically with others.
When you do, people you share it with can access the calendar anytime and sign up to help as their availability allows.
One useful tool for this is Google Sheets. It is free to use, and you can share access to your calendar with anyone as long as you have their email address. Just make sure you continue to update the calendar as you need help!
Start small and be specific
Now that you’ve done what you can to prepare, it’s time to make the ask. Overcoming the anxiety of asking can be challenging, so start by taking small steps.
When you approach someone to ask for help, be direct.
Say the words, “I need help with…”
Be specific when making requests. Say what you need help with and when.
Start by asking for help with small, more manageable tasks at first to help you build confidence.
Be open about how caregiving is affecting you
Openly sharing about the difficulties of caring for an aging loved one can give you a boost of confidence when asking for help.
Being vulnerable and sharing these feelings helps the people around you understand the urgency of your situation and can make them more likely to offer assistance.
When you openly share your struggles, you have the comfort of knowing that you left nothing unsaid, regardless of whether they offer assistance.
Prepare for resistance
In your quest for help you will inevitably encounter people who are reluctant to extend a helping hand. It’s easy to feel discouraged when this happens.
When it becomes clear that someone is hesitant to offer help, do your best to approach the conversation with empathy. See if you can figure out their concerns and address them.
For example if they’re worried about the time commitment, you can offer to handle half of the responsibility yourself. This is still less of a commitment for you than if they aren’t willing to help at all.
Ultimately, remember that it’s ok for someone to say no. Do your best not to be discouraged and focus on the fact that you were brave and put yourself out there!
Accept Help Graciously
You will connect with someone who is willing to help. When this happens, express your gratitude no matter how small the gesture.
Sometimes we can get caught in the trap of feeling frustrated that others aren’t completing tasks as well as we want. Try your best to let go of that frustration and focus on how good it feels to not have to handle everything yourself.
Remember that asking for help is an integral part of being a caregiver. If you have fears about asking for help, take the time to acknowledge those fears and remind yourself that accepting support from others enables you to provide the best care for your loved one.
AIHS has a Family Caregiver Program that offers services and support to caregivers with the goal of reducing burnout. Just Call Us to learn more and start getting the support you need!
